Low self confidence to believing in myself - My journey till date

☺️This day last year, I received my first National award for my research work on Antipsychotic activity of a medicinal plant - Juglans regia.

💌On completing a year today of being honored with this award for the first time in my life, I'm sharing my journey from low self confidence to believing in myself forever.

A short story behind this research :

For the ones who don't know, I've done my Master's coursework in food science and technology with research dissertation in the field of Life sciences, where I have worked on Antipsychotic activity of my plant along with some cancer biology related work which I cannot discuss at this moment. In case you are wondering what made a Biotechnology graduate pursue a post grad degree in Food science and technology, let me tell you the story behind it. During my graduation, I came across the plant I've worked on for my post grad and realized that working on it's biological activity had triggered my interests to delve deeper to know about the plant. After consulting with my mentors and professors, I decided to study master's in food science because working on the plant of my interest required basic knowledge of food science; thus, my master's was in food science and technology but my research work was essentially in Life sciences.

Throughout my graduation, I had studied neurobiology, cancer biology & medical biotechnology as a part of my coursework. But conducting research in these fields has kept me going through conducting research till date (and possibly till the end of my life. Because for me, research love is forever)

The reality which these pictures don't depict :

Honestly speaking, that's not my genuine smile because being an introvert, I was really nervous after getting a lot of attention from the audience while presenting my research & then receiving the award at the end of the day :P

But despite that 'photo - forced' smile on my face in both the pictures, I was obviously nervous about presenting my research among researchers who had more expertise and were seniors to me. This is an obvious story of every competition - you get nervous and tensed. But this wasn't all.

2020 had begun with a really weird vibe & it was a truly rough beginning as my mother had been hospitalized for severe Hyperbilirubinemia, obstructive jaundice & anemia for half a month. On the same day, she was expecting results of the Liver Biopsy to rule out any underlying cellular illness that made her suffer from the disorder for the 5th time in her life.

On 1st February 2020, my day had begun earlier than usual because I couldn't sleep well the entire night, as I laid there overthinking about my mother's Biopsy, how I would face the audience and judges for the competition & what will that day teach me. If I had the chance to conduct an ECG test for myself free of cost, I bet the ECG would have shown Premature ventricular contractions !

This was a day full of unexpected outcomes. Although I was confident enough in the research I had conducted and was presenting it, I hadn't thought of receiving this award because I wasn't actually believing in myself that day. I was low on self confidence due to the tough situation I was in.

With the thought of my mother's biopsy back in my mind, I presented my work & sat at the back of the hall, just like a backbencher who isn't interested in what is going in the class. I was waiting for my phone to ring and at that moment, all I wanted to hear was "The biopsy report is normal". But instead, I heard the results of that competition first. I was looking at my mobile screen full of hope and all of a sudden, I heard my name being announced. I didn't know how to react and decided to walk calmly to receive the award & then walk back to my seat to check if my mother's report had come yet.

It was such an unbelievable moment because I had won despite having low self confidence that I was worth the award. In that moment while the crowd was cheering for me, my friends congratulating me, I actually felt nothing. Of course, I had the sense of happiness but couldn't feel it as I was tensed to my core. And in a while, my phone rang and I got to hear what I was waiting to hear the entire day - My mother's Biopsy reports were normal.

And at that moment, I literally felt like leaving the hall and crying alone in a corner for being blessed with the award and a care free healthy life for my mother. On my way back home, I thought about how I had made the mistake of not believing in myself and still getting the best results of the competition. The thought that if low self confidence could win me the first award of my life, what all can I achieve with believing in myself had overwhelmed me. It's weird how a tough situation has the power to drag you downwards and drain all the self confidence from you. But as that day had taught me something I had never come across, I decided to stay confident in every aspect of life, irrespective of the tough situations I'm facing at any moment.

💯Moral :

Tough situations are a part of everybody's life and there's no running from it. Staying positive and believing in yourself enough to live through the storm is all that matters and keeps you going till the end of the storm. Hard parts of life come and go every now and then, but what stays forever is your belief in yourself and faith in god. With a penchant towards philosophy and spirituality, I would like to end this article with 3 favorite quotes from 3 different religious books.

💫Spiritual reminders for all :

🕉️From The Holy Book ~ Srimad Bhagwad Geeta :

One who has control over the mind is tranquil in heat and cold, in pleasure and pain, and in honour and dishonor; and is ever steadfast with the Supreme self (Bhagwad Geeta : Chapter 2, Part 5)

✝️From ~ The Holy Bible

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him (Colossians 2:7)

☪️From ~ The Holy Quran

Let your faith be greater than your fear.

🤗I hope you stay strong and keep believing in yourself to achieve what's best for you. Good luck !

- Rachna Jadhav

@theresilientresearcher